Everybody has a darkish aspect, proper? All of us have moments the place we’re not at our greatest as a result of stress, exhaustion, or immaturity. However what occurs after we’re at our absolute worst? At this time that’s what we’re going to discover. Every of the 9 Enneagram sorts can descend into unhealthy conduct when they’re utilizing unhealthy coping mechanisms and going to excessive lengths to keep away from their core concern. At this time we’re going to have a look at how these sorts present up at their worst and provides some pointers for shifting previous this stage.
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The Darkish Aspect of Every Enneagram Sort
Enneagram Ones have a driving need to be good and to have integrity. These are sorts that may push themselves to the brink of exhaustion merely to do what they imagine is true. At their finest, they’re clever, beneficiant, and uplifting. Tolerance is a trademark trait of the wholesome One. They know that no person is ideal, however they convey out the most effective in individuals just by being current. Their pure integrity conjures up others to dwell with extra intention and function.
The Enneagram One Darkish Aspect:
When Ones are unhealthy or immature they’ll present a darkish aspect that’s removed from the noble, smart aspect that reveals up when they’re wholesome. Unhealthy Ones concern that they’re realizing their worst concern: that they’re certainly turning into corrupted or “evil.” They attempt to management their impulses, justify themselves, or rid themselves of anybody or something who makes them conscious of their corruption. Their interior turmoil reveals up in an obsessive, controlling nature. If they’ll management every little thing exterior themselves then maybe they’ll idiot themselves into believing they’re actually okay.
Unhealthy Ones are illiberal to others and closed-minded to anybody who reveals a distinct worth system from their very own. Black-and-white, absolutist pondering is a trademark of the unhealthy One. They’ll by no means be fallacious, even when given objectively verifiable info. If you’re round these Ones you’re feeling like you might be strolling on eggshells for concern of triggering their condemnation. Just like the priest in The Hunchback of Notre Dame, these Ones are fast to evaluate and condemn what’s totally different from themselves whereas secretly harboring ideas which can be removed from pure or righteous.
The unhealthy One is a deeply conflicted and tormented particular person. They wrestle with obsessive ideas which can be corrupt or evil. The extra they attempt to silence these ideas, the extra they appear to flare up uncontrollably. The extra they repress their emotions and impulses, the more serious they change into twisted and distorted. In consequence, Ones expend super power merely attempting to place a lid on these ideas; to give attention to one thing else. They could obsessively clear, management their meals consumption, finances their cash, or in any other case attempt to arrange and handle their surroundings to allow them to really feel a component of management.
The Enneagram One darkish aspect could be a highly effective and overwhelming power, however with the best assist this Enneatype can be taught to search out steadiness and peace of thoughts. By way of understanding their want for perfection, their concern of being seen as corrupt, and their interior battle between these two contradictory forces, they’ll uncover the noble and clever Enneagram One inside. In case you really feel like you might be at this sort of a darkish and unhealthy place, I might suggest speaking to a psychological well being skilled who may also help you type out the roots of those points. In case you’d like to search out extra ideas for regaining equilibrium, you possibly can scroll to the underside of my article on the struggles of the Enneagram One to search out some ideas.
Enneagram Twos have a driving need to be liked for who they honestly are. Deep down, they’re afraid that no matter they do won’t ever be sufficient to really deserve and acquire love; that they’re unworthy of being liked. At their finest, Twos love unconditionally with out anticipating something in return. Their pleasure and generosity spark emotions of heat and acceptance in these round them. They’ve the capability to be deeply compassionate and understanding, typically selflessly placing others first.
The Enneagram Two Darkish Aspect:
When Twos are unhealthy or immature they’ll present a darkish aspect that’s removed from the loving, beneficiant aspect that reveals up when they’re wholesome. Unhealthy Twos give with a purpose to get. They attempt to acquire love via manipulation relatively than via authentically beneficiant acts. This Two is a grasp within the artwork of the “guilt journey”; doing small favors for others, then performing shocked and harm when others don’t present adequate appreciation.
“They’ll play others like an orchestra, upping the extent of guilt right into a disturbing crescendo or dampening it all the way down to a whisper, as wanted. They play individuals towards one another, and worse, they’re able to play others towards themselves…by casting others into self-doubt and making them really feel responsible and confused, unhealthy Twos throw others off the scent of their very own manipulations.” – Don Richard Riso with Russ Hudson, Character Varieties: Utilizing the Enneagram for Self-Discovery
Enneagram Twos change into overly depending on others and search to manage these round them, convincing themselves that they do no matter they do out of affection and care. Unhealthy Enneagram Twos could also be vulnerable to drama and disaster, seeing their very own issues as the one actual ones on the planet. They’re consultants at making themselves the focus whereas taking part in the function of martyr with a purpose to acquire love. Usually they really feel victimized by others; taken benefit of or used. And, in actual fact, they could have been taken benefit of by others, notably of their pasts. However the unhealthy Two is fast to see themselves the sufferer when others merely aren’t offering sufficient “love” to fill the bottomless gap of longing they’ve within them. These Twos really feel entitled to the love and subservience of others, as a result of they really feel that they’ve earned it via “selfless” acts. This Two could not have even performed a lot to assist another person, however at their core they really feel a proper to be taken care of, and count on others to do the heavy lifting.
Twos don’t begin off on this unhealthy state, nonetheless. Normally they arrive right here by being harm and brought benefit of, notably in childhood, to a degree the place they now not know what actual love is they usually’re bored with giving to others, as a result of it hasn’t labored out so effectively for them previously.
Whereas the Enneagram Two darkish aspect could also be onerous to have a look at, it doesn’t imply that each one Enneagram Twos are doomed to dwell in a state of unhealthy darkness. Actually, with consciousness and sincere reflection, Enneagram Twos can start to see the patterns of their conduct that now not serve them, in addition to any false core perception techniques they could have adopted. From there, Enneagram Twos can start a course of of private progress and transformation that permits them to search out real love for themselves and others. With the best assist, Enneagram Twos can rediscover their spark of generosity and compassion, which can permit them to expertise actual love that’s unconditional and true.
I might encourage anybody who pertains to this description of the Enneagram Two to hunt out assist within the type of psychological well being professionals or private progress coaches. By way of the assistance of others, Enneagram Twos can be taught to inform the distinction between wholesome giving pushed by real love and unhealthy giving pushed by a necessity for approval.
In case you really feel that you’re headed into an unhealthy place, you may as well try my article concerning the 7 struggles of the Enneagram Two. There are ideas in that article for getting again to a optimistic state of mind.
At their finest, Threes are real and motivating. They’re pushed by a need to enhance the world and persist in far-reaching objectives. Diligent and pleasant, they make nice leaders and they’re typically the go-to individual in terms of getting issues performed. The Three’s core need is to be beneficial and worthwhile, however their core concern is that they’re nugatory and can be rejected.
The Enneagram Three Darkish Aspect:
As Threes descend into their darkish aspect, they cease trying just like the benevolent, motivating Threes we talked about within the first paragraph. They change into opportunistic, manipulative, and misleading. Inside they really feel desolate and empty as a result of they’re so out of contact with their emotions and values that they’ll solely discover a “repair” in others’ admiration of them. Any vulnerability or interior wounding they are going to cover with a masks of false confidence and coolness.
The unhealthy Three is indifferent from their core; they don’t even know who they’re anymore. As an alternative, they are going to do no matter it takes to persuade others that they’re distinctive. However as an alternative of incomes others’ admiration they distort the reality, lower corners, lie, and even take credit score for others’ work. These Threes will do almost something to look like successes to others, even when these very issues harm themselves and push them additional into a spot of disconnection and vacancy. This opportunism and dishonesty creates a simultaneous concern that they are going to be “discovered.” Then they are going to understand their greatest concern; that they’re, certainly, nugatory and rejected. So long as they’ll preserve the facade going, they really feel that they’ll keep away from that concern as a result of others will see them as worthwhile as a result of their competency. They change into compulsive about mendacity, as a result of they so need to make an impression and to look excellent. As their interior world turns into extra tormented and afraid, they push to look calm and competent and charming on the skin. At their very worst, they could benefit from the downfall of others merely to allow them to really feel superior compared.
Like all of the Enneatypes, unhealthy Threes don’t usually begin out unhealthy. They typically start down this darkish path in childhood, after they really feel a must be particular and distinctive with a purpose to acquire love and approval from mother and father or caregivers who could also be emotionally absent or onerous to please. Enneagram Threes change into so used to attempting to please and make an impression that they neglect their true selves within the course of.
The excellent news is Enneagram Threes have super potential for private progress if they’ll acknowledge their unhealthy patterns, which frequently come from core insecurity and emotional disconnection. By way of private progress, Enneagram Threes can deliver extra authenticity again into their lives, be extra related with their very own emotions and values, and be taught that they’re worthwhile even with out grandiose ranges of success. I might encourage Enneagram Threes to hunt out assist within the type of psychological well being professionals to allow them to start the journey of uncovering their true self and discovering interior peace and calm relatively than vacancy and disgrace. Serving to out of their communities can be an efficient path in direction of therapeutic. Many Threes discover renewed readability after they assist a trigger that issues to them or discover a group the place they’ll work in direction of one thing that advantages others.
Discover Out Extra In regards to the Enneagram Three: The Enneagram 3 Little one
At their finest, Enneagram Fours embrace life with an impressed, sincere, and intuitive spirit. They’re artistic, delicate, and passionate and are deeply in contact with the human situation. Contentment is a key trait of the wholesome 4, they usually discover pleasure in partaking with the world round them whereas nonetheless sustaining their very own interior sense of self.
The core need of the 4 is to search out themselves and their significance, whereas their core concern is that they don’t have any identification or private significance.
The Enneagram 4 Darkish Aspect:
As Fours descend into darkness, they change into overwhelmed with the sensation that they’ve misplaced each alternative to search out themselves and their very own significance. They change into overwhelmed by misplaced alternatives and their very own perceived failures. Not solely are they stricken by a way of grief over what they haven’t achieved, they’re crammed with a way of desperation that they by no means will accomplish something significant. Thus, they attempt to lower off their needs. They don’t wish to harm anymore, so in the event that they don’t need something, they imagine they’ll defend themselves from ache. What outcomes is that each one the life and emotional depth drains out of them they usually really feel fatigued, apathetic, and alienated from everybody round them and even themselves.
The unhealthy 4 typically believes that their issues are worse than everybody else’s and that others have all allow them to down. As a result of they crave uniqueness, at an unhealthy stage, they discover that sense of uniqueness within the depth of their struggling. Their disappointment in themselves intensifies they usually start to hate themselves and see solely their worst interior qualities. They imagine they’re unworthy of affection from anybody and change into obsessive about morbid fantasies. In the end, they really feel rightly rejected by everybody and satisfied that they’re completely and completely faulty.
The excellent news is Enneagram Fours have super potential for private progress and achievement. It’s extraordinarily troublesome for an unhealthy 4 to see this potential in themselves, but when they’ll take step one and search assist from a therapist, life coach, or trusted information, they’ll start to grasp that deep down they’re nonetheless worthwhile, worthy, and have unimaginable potential. I might additionally urge any 4 who’s studying this text to take time to assume via your core values. What issues to you in life? What ethics do you maintain quick to? Discover a couple of issues you are able to do every day to bolster these values. Whether or not meaning volunteering for a trigger or creating some easy artwork round these values, discover a option to get in contact with the issues that matter to you on a soul stage.
Discover Out Extra In regards to the Enneagram 4: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 4 Character Sort
At their finest, Enneagram Fives are visionary thinkers who steadiness curiosity with playfulness. They like to be taught, however even moreso, they like to invent and create in the actual world. Their open-minded, exploratory lifestyle provides others an analogous need to be taught and experiment.
The core need of the 5 is to be succesful and competent, and the core concern of the 5 is that they’re helpless or incapable.
The Enneagram 5 Darkish Aspect:
Enneagram Fives of their darkish aspect are stricken by doubt and disgust not solely on the world exterior, however themselves. They really feel that they are going to inevitably fail at something they try and do on the planet and that they are going to by no means discover a place to slot in in society. Reasonably than attempting to experiment with concepts and create one thing, they as an alternative give attention to invalidating others’ concepts. They acquire pleasure from discrediting others, poking enjoyable on the foolishness of the world, and rejecting what others imagine. Any attachment to others feels threatening, so Fives at this stage justify their reclusiveness by dropping all religion in humanity or its worth.
Sadly, as Fives retreat additional and additional into the darkness of their very own isolation, they change into an increasing number of afraid of the world exterior. They really feel incapable of coping and subsequently rid themselves of something that might power engagement or connection to something exterior. Perhaps they dwell in a small room, consuming little or no, working as little as potential to fulfill the naked minimal of their bills. They’re stricken by anxiousness and change into disconnected from their our bodies; they really feel as if they’re merely concepts and ideas related to dangling limbs. Many Fives at this stage expertise insomnia as a result of they’re so riddled with fears that some unseen power will harm them whereas they sleep. They aren’t simply afraid of the world exterior, they’re afraid of their very own ideas which change into more and more morbid. Horrific fantasies and concepts play earlier than their minds’ eye in an infinite stream they usually really feel helpless to cease it. To compound issues, they resist any assist from others and lower themselves off an increasing number of from exterior sources of assist.
This can be very troublesome for Fives at this stage to succeed in out to others for assist, however that is precisely what they need to do. Enneagram Fives have super potential to be joyful and unique, however solely when they’re firmly grounded in what’s actual. Getting skilled assist, getting in contact with nature, and exploring artistic shops could be nice methods for Enneagram Fives to start out shifting out of the darkness and again into their potential. It may really feel scary and uncomfortable at first, however it’s important. Fives can begin easy, by taking quiet walks in nature or sending a textual content to a trusted buddy. Even a couple of small steps every day will make a distinction. Fives ought to attempt to get into their our bodies, stretching, meditating, or figuring out. They need to push themselves to attach with exterior assist in the event that they’re at this unhealthy stage. A counselor who specializing in coping with anxiousness and melancholy could be a super useful resource.
Discover Out Extra In regards to the Enneagram 5: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram 5 Character Sort
At their finest, Sixes are brave and grounded. They worth loyalty, camaraderie, and compassion for many who are handled unfairly on the planet. They take it upon themselves to guard their households and associates from hazard, and are recognized to be reliable and pragmatic.
The core concern of the Six is that they’re unable to outlive on their very own or that they’re with out assist. The core need of the Six is to search out safety, assist, and belonging.
The Enneagram Six Darkish Aspect:
When Sixes start to enter their darkish aspect, they develop more and more skeptical of others. They really feel stricken by doubt that others will betray them. Some Sixes react by testing others, turning into belligerent and passive-aggressive. Others are extra overtly confrontational; defiantly lashing out at individuals they concern will double-cross them. As these assaults and assessments on others multiply, they’ve moments of extreme anxiousness that they’re turning away all their supporters. Their core concern, to be alone and with out assist, appears to be coming true. They drown in self-disparagement and really feel overwhelmed by insecurity. As their anxiousness will increase, they maintain ever tightly to the supporters they nonetheless have of their lives. They change into clingingly dependent and panicky, terrified that their final threads of assist will break.
As this panic and concern escalates, Sixes imagine that every little thing is a disaster. Their anxiousness feels an increasing number of uncontrolled, they usually change into more and more paranoid. Projection is a every day drawback; and Sixes at this stage will venture all their darkest fears onto others they usually really feel sure that others are out to get them, betray them, or harm them indirectly. This paranoia and concern escalates into rage, and the Six worries that each one their emotions of hate and anger are literally emotions others are harboring in direction of them. They really feel a ceaseless urge to guard themselves from all of the assaults they’re positive others are about to ship their manner.
The Enneagram Six wants to succeed in out for assist and take decisive motion to interrupt freed from their downward spiral. Reaching out to a counselor or therapist who focuses on Enneagram persona sorts or anxiousness could be tremendously helpful. Discovering methods to change into extra grounded can be essential. Taking time to follow deep respiration, meditation, and prayer may also help Enneagram Sixes to change into extra centered and conscious of what’s actual. Writing in a journal, studying self-help books, or speaking with trusted associates are additionally nice strategies for gaining steadiness, readability, and perspective.
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Sixes: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Six Character Sort
At their finest, Sevens have a contentment and appreciation with life that many envy. They’re energetic and enthusiastic optimists who worth positivity and search to search out the great in all issues. Sevens deliver pleasure, humor, and keenness wherever they go.
The core need of the Seven is to be happy and content material. The core concern of the Seven is to be trapped or to be in ache or deprivation.
The Enneagram Seven Darkish Aspect:
When Enneagram Sevens start to maneuver into their darkish aspect, they change into caught in a cycle of craving experiences that may by no means deliver them true satisfaction. The act of buying a brand new issues or expertise shortly turns into an habit, and Enneagram Sevens frantically race to accumulate the following neatest thing with a purpose to fulfill their core need for contentment.
Sevens at this stage change into obsessive about searching for pleasure and avoiding ache. They keep in movement, consistently performing on impulse, hoping that in the event that they keep busy they’ll keep away from their very own unhappiness and interior ache. Being alone amplifies their anxiousness, in order that they stress others to do no matter exercise they’re concerned in. Sadly, at this stage many Sevens get pleasure from less-than-healthy pursuits like binge consuming or extreme partying in pursuit of momentary pleasure.
Sevens at this darkish stage are sometimes extremely reactive and present little to no management of their emotional impulses. They act out, throw issues, burst into tears, insult individuals, throw punches. With a view to rid themselves of no matter disturbing feeling is plaguing them, they act out on no matter they really feel. These Sevens are removed from the joyous, impressed Sevens at a wholesome stage. They’re emotionally immature, depressed, and manic.
As with all the kinds, an important factor at this stage is to hunt skilled assist in the type of a counselor or assist group. Enneagram Sevens must also discover methods to follow mindfulness with a purpose to acquire readability. Meditation, prayer, yoga, journaling, or some other exercise that helps them relax is essential. Taking time to be taught one thing new or learn a e-book may also be immensely helpful for Enneagram Sevens in want of some perspective.
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Sevens: 7 Struggles of the Enneagram Seven
At their finest, Eights are protecting and compassionate individuals who encourage braveness in others. Whereas they’ve robust, assertive personalities, they aren’t impulsive and reckless. They problem themselves to be honorable and examine their motives in all they do.
The core need of the Enneagram Eight is to guard themselves and have management of their very own life and future. The core concern of this sort is to be harmed or managed by others.
The Enneagram Eight Darkish Aspect:
When Enneagram Eights transfer into their darkish aspect, they change into domineering and forceful. They change into obsessive about having energy, and don’t thoughts intimidating or manipulating others with a purpose to acquire it. They provoke and confront individuals, believing that individuals are out to govern or management them. Due to their harsh, ruthless nature, they have a tendency to assemble enemies wherever they go. They imagine it’s a dog-eat-dog world, they usually wish to be the highest canine who doesn’t rely on anybody. May is every little thing, and weak spot is despised.
Eights at this stage are sometimes consumed with a must be proper. They don’t perceive that compromise is important in relationships, they usually understand it as an indication of private weak spot. Any restrictions or guidelines are supposed to be defied, though they don’t thoughts imposing guidelines on others and tyrannically telling individuals what to do. Sadly, these Eights are sometimes lonely and disliked. As a result of they see indicators of friendliness or gentleness as weak spot, they push away individuals who may nurture and assist them. In addition they keep away from being susceptible and open with others, believing they are going to be betrayed or taken benefit of.
Getting assist at this stage appears almost inconceivable for the unhealthy Eight. As with all of the Enneatypes, when they’re this unhealthy, they typically really feel that their weaknesses are requirements for survival. Speaking to a counselor or opening as much as associates feels particularly ridiculous to the unhealthy Eight, as a result of they don’t belief anybody they usually hate the thought of being susceptible. Nevertheless, for those who’re an Eight and also you acknowledge these unhealthy traits in your self, I might urge you to take steps in direction of therapeutic. Understand that your highly effective persona was meant for use to enhance the world, to not dominate it. Search skilled assist or be a part of a assist group to discover ways to channel your energy in wholesome, constructive methods. Understand that you just deserve friendships and sincere relationships with individuals; even when there are some dangers concerned. No threat, no reward, proper? Discover one small factor you are able to do for another person day-after-day, whether or not that be a easy praise or serving to somebody with a sensible job. At your finest, you will have a magnanimous, highly effective persona that may drastically enhance the lives of others (and your self).
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Eights: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram Eight Sort
At their finest, Enneagram Nines are peaceable, supportive individuals who embrace life with a gentle sense of function. They care deeply about their family members and try to create concord in relationships. Enneagram Nines additionally possess an interior serenity and depth of creativeness that permits them to realize insights that may assist enhance the world.
The core need of Enneagram Nines is to really feel safe and have peace of thoughts. The core concern of this sort is loss or separation.
The Enneagram 9 Darkish Aspect
As Nines descend into darkness, they change into an increasing number of indifferent from themselves and the world round them. Caught in denial, they refuse to face conflicts or issues and dwell inside their very own illusions. These Nines refuse to do something they don’t wish to do, however in addition they don’t know what they need. They block individuals out, ignoring their tasks, relationships, and youngsters (if they’ve them). Sometimes they are going to erupt into bouts of rage, however they are going to shortly relax, pretending that nothing occurred.
At this stage of well being, Enneagram Nines change into addicted to flee and keep away from something that might power them to take care of actuality. Usually they really feel depressed, confused, and depending on individuals who have extra controlling tendencies. Neglect is a key trait of this sort; if they’re mother and father, they are going to neglect to take their children and can be oblivious to their emotional wants. However their neglectfulness extends to themselves as effectively. They could miss physician’s appointments, skip work, or neglect to choose their children up from college. It’s as if this sort is in a fog they’ll’t get out of. Changing into conscious of all of the methods they’ve failed others would solely make them really feel worse, in order that they proceed in dissociation. Usually they really feel like life is sort of a dangerous dream and they’re helpless to interrupt out of it, as a result of actuality is simply too painful to take care of.
Getting assist is feasible however troublesome for Enneagram Nines at this unhealthy stage, since they’re so snug repressing their true emotions and desires. Nevertheless, the Enneagram 9 can take some steps to start out the therapeutic course of. Begin by recognizing that your feelings exist and you’ve got a proper to really feel them – whether or not it’s disappointment, anger, or unhappiness. Begin to change into conscious of the methods your conduct has harm different individuals and make amends. Discover artistic shops – categorical your self via music, artwork, writing, or something that brings you pleasure. Lastly, hunt down counseling or remedy if it’s accessible to you. As soon as Enneagram Nines start their therapeutic journey, they’ll reconnect with themselves and the world round them in a robust manner.
Discover Out Extra About Enneagram Nines: Seven Struggles of the Enneagram 9 Sort.
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